I'm quite obviously talking about Tinder. What did we do to deserve this?!?!
So I downloaded Tinder purely for research purposes for the blog and I'm officially angry at all of you for putting me through this.
Here is my brief experience with Tinder: I've probably downloaded it 10 times. I've never kept it for more than 15 minutes, however. Why? Because it is Lucifer incarnate. And disgusting. And stupid. And scary. I talked to one suitor on there for more than 10 minutes and I *hates self* exchanged numbers with him and we texted a while. (Getting candid with the blog readers.) He was 28. (sorry mom!!!) I eventually just stopped texting him back. He was nice enough, was allegedly 6'4 and talked about Mac and Cheese a lot. (<-- what I look for in a man). But he liked Star Wars and quoted the Office too much so I tapped out. I don't even know his last name. *sigh* Sorry Andrew.
Also, I want to note that I know a few people in long term romances where they either found or were someone's tinderella. That's so great and I am not ragging on you. You found a needle in a hay stack and you are fun and great and deserve happiness love you.
I decided to redownload Tinder while I was working on Calculus in the library at 11:00pm on a Wednesday. Mostly so that when I lost motivation to try on my homework, I could take a few minutes to do a little swiping and see the reason I study-------> because I'm going to have to support myself the rest of my life as I die ALONE. I started taking notes on my findings like a true Sociologist. (She says semester 2 into the major). Here is what I've found.
This is my grand list of what gets you a left, right, or a "I think he is trying too hard".
A little background: I set my discovery preferences to a distance of 20 miles (from Langsam Library) and Men ages 21-26.
(If you aren't aware: Swipe left means you aren't interested, Right means you are.)
Cheap move, dude
Okay. Here is the gist.
No matter what your intentions are on Tinder, there are boundaries.
My overall conclusion after this study is this:
Stay away from Tinder. I know you are having trouble meeting suitors and you are wondering what is wrong with you. You look in the mirror and ask if you look like a goblin, you worry that you are secretly a psycho bitch, you are shy in person and you are actually hideous but photogenic.....I get it. (These are actual answers given to me when I asked my friends why they Tinder...Tind... who knows.) But let me tell you something. You aren't doing anything wrong, gf/bf! If you want to Tinder your evenings away because it makes you feel good about yourself when you get a match and they message you those awful pickup lines, do it! If you go to the bars in your Thursday-Saturday best and flaunt it like your life depends on it to meet suitors, Slay the game mama! If you are like Imma do me and if something is meant to happen it will, yes girl go off!!! If you are like OMG I am an emotional (and physical if you're being honest) wreck and you're like it's selfish to bring a suitor into this mess, yes! Do you GF!! If you are all of these in one day, YES!!! SLAY!
You are intelligent, interesting, funny, entertaining, beautiful and a QUEEN/KING/NON-GENDER CONFORMING WORD TO MEAN THE SAME IDEA! Keep slaying the game homie. You're a hot piece of meat in the least derogatory, most complimentary way!!!
But just don't Tinder with plans to meet bae. Please.
Okay. Well. That's it.
I wanna mouth kiss all of ya!