We know I'm obsessed with UC, college life, my friends, and my dog. I get my confidence through my roles on campus and creating positive effects and changes in things towards which I feel passion. I feel purpose when I am at work at one of my on campus jobs. I feel my heart bursting out of my chest when I am with my friends. I cannot walk anywhere around the uptown area without seeing someone I know and can't resist hugging. After 5 majors (oops), I FINALLY feel incredibly happy with my classes, professors and departments. I'm looking into graduate programs for a field I'm absolutely in love with.
I feel an overwhelming sense of YES right now.
(kinda like this all the time, but inside:)
But does it make me totally nuts to say that I kind of don't like it.......
Okay, don't get me wrong, it is very nice to feel genuinely happy with my life. It is something that, due to mental health battles for most of my adolescent and young adult life (am I a young adult? Idk), I haven't felt for SERIOUSLY as long as I can remember. However, I do not like the feeling that I can finally take a breath (Crazy, I know). Something I have learned about myself is that I am restless. Incredibly restless. In all aspects of my life.
From small things--constantly redecorating and chopping lengths off of my hair.
To bigger things--5 majors later...whoops.
To quite large things--whoops, I'm happy and comfortable for the first time in a decade, lets pick up and move to France for four months.
But really. That's a thing that I'm doing. A thing I am doing in 6 days.
Remember when I wrote that blog post titled "I'm Happy"? (http://onefortyplus.weebly.com/blog/im-happy ) It was about how I feel so happy right now in my life and about eliminating negativity. I'm not kidding you, less than a week after I posted that blog I was in my study abroad advisors office telling her that I wanted to move my semester abroad plans from "maybe Spring" or "idk maybe senior year" to this Fall.
Putting together a semester abroad in less than three months, especially when we pieced this program together by hand to make it work for my major. (Side note: I am SO incredibly blessed that one of my on campus jobs is the study abroad office. I love them so much for so many reasons, but a big one is all of the help I received making this happen.) It was hard, but it has been incredible.
People keep asking me if I am nervous. I mean, I am going to a country whose national language is a foreign language to me. I am one of 3 americans and the only UC student, too. But I'm not nervous or anxious at all, which is strange for me because I'm one steady flow of anxious.
I'm so excited.
I'm so ready.
(unless it is about to hit me like a ton of french baguettes, which I am prepared for, but not expecting)
I'm ready like Spongebob.
My grandma and my mom (<-great duo, amazing women, but apple-tree stuff with anxiety there) are making me feel like I need to be nervous by telling me how normal it is. Well guess what, screw normal.
How am I calm? I've accepted and processed the following truths:
1. It will not be a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie all the time.
You laugh, but working in my office, I see a lot of people who have glamorized the entire idea of study abroad. It isn't a vacation in five star hotels and a personal limousine service. It is a foreign country with foreign ideas and customs, in a different language. It is not knowing anyone. It is class. Accepting that it isn't going to be perfect every second is important.
2. Classes will be hard.
People tend to delete the academics chapter of the novel of study abroad sometimes in their mind. But it is STUDY abroad. Plus I'm going to a historically very difficult school taking higher level communication courses in a masters program. So RIP me. (~luckily the classes transfer back pass fail~)
3. I have to unplug
THIS IS SO HARD. I have to release myself from Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat quite a bit. I know myself and I will drive myself crazy if I am constantly checking what everyone at home is doing. My fomo will swallow me WHOLE. Which is so stupid because, like, I'm not missing a Woody's happy hour, they're missing seeing the Eiffel Tower at dusk, right?
4. I will cry.
I will miss my friends and family and dog so much that as I'm typing this I'm getting a little choked up. But knowing that I have the strongest, most incredible support system behind me in the form of my family, best friends, orientation family, Kappa Alpha Theta sisters, work friends and incredible faculty and staff is what gives me the strength to go forward despite any fears I feel.
5. I will get fat.
6. My birthday and Thanksgiving away from friends and family will probably rip my heart out of my chest.
For now, I do not plan to keep a travel blog. Mainly, because I don't want to feel like I need to report everything I do, I just want to live my semester to the fullest. Plus, I told you that I am unplugging as much as I can. (*note I didn't say completely unplugging....I don't want you to worry that I died. And I have an addiction. So.)
Best way to keep up with the Abbydashian why she is in Nantes:
1. Add her on Facebook--Abby Marie Listerman. Her extended family is all on there and so she will be uploading pictures she took with her new beautiful nikon on there.
2. Make a FaceTime or Skype or Google Hangouts date. My parents already have every Sunday at 2pm Cincinnati time / 8pm France time blocked off, but other than that the schedule is pretty open.
Okay, that is it. My last post pre-departure. Send me good vibes and do something that scares you everyday while I'm gone.
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT AND LOVE I'M NOT WORTHY.